Could you tell me a time you felt anxious?

The ocean has this magical way of mirroring what you are feeling back at you. For example the open horizon can make people feel different. Some people are terrified of its infiniteness, others find peace and perspective in it. Only recently being in London for this second lockdown have I fully come to realise how much the ocean means to me. I dream every day of what It feels, smells, and looks like. It balances, energises and inspires me. I was going to say it restores me, but there’s something about the movement of the water and the openness of it that is equally grounding and energising. And I say it inspires me because it’s inspired us to tell these stories. It’s led us to the other side of the world to tell stories! And being slapped in the face by a cold wintery Atlantic wave, has to be one of the best feelings in the world!!!

Could you tell me a time you felt Joy?

Joy is different. 

Let me let you in on a life-altering secret...happiness and joy are not interchangeable. BOOM. It took me 22 years of life to learn that. Happiness is situational. Happiness is the present, it’s something you feel in the moment. Happiness comes and goes, it doesn’t take root in your heart. Happiness abandons you when your parents divorce, when depression strikes, when you lose a best friend. 

Now my girl Joy, she plays for keeps. Joy is not fleeting. Joy is a seed planted in your heart, which sprouts vines that grow to penetrate every ounce of your being. On bad days, Joy is still present. Happy is what you feel, Joy is who you are. Joy is good in the midst of the bad. Joy won’t leave you when everyone does.

For me, Joy comes often in the form of friendship. It’s catching longboard waves at sunset. It’s screaming “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac in an overcrowded club. It’s that moment when you realize there is nowhere you would rather be, and nobody you would rather be with. It’s contentment, there is nothing more I want or need. Insecurity melts, anxiety fades, and you ride that damn wave and realize JOY is what’s moving you forward. 

Could you tell me a time you felt empathy?

Empathetic pain is categorized within the 27 human emotions. But Empathy is by definition categorized as being able to feel the pain and emotions of others. Empathy allows us to step into the shoes of others which can be a tool for loving others well, but it can also be a weapon in slowly wearing down our own hearts. Empaths furthermore are people who can literally take on the emotions and moods of others as their own. They come into the world with heightened senses, which are increased further by challenges or traumas they’ve experienced in their lives. 

I find it so hard to pinpoint just one time that I felt intense empathy. I did not come across the term empath until I was an adult. I think my earliest memory of feeling the emotions of others was when I was in third grade. I remember our teacher Ms.McDougal sitting us all down before we opened our reading time book and telling us one of our classmate's dad had been diagnosed with brain cancer and only had a few more years to live so that was why he had been out of class for a few days. It was a very heavy emotion for a 9-year-old to feel and I don't know that the gravity of it hit most of my friends when we went to recess after but I remember sitting in our class every day for months and feeling so sad for this classmate that I barely knew. I felt this same emotion for years after every time I would see his mom pick him up from school with their dad in the car, and then one year the dad was not in the car and the boy did not come to school for a few days. He returned with bags under his eyes and although he smiled at everyone I knew he was not ok. This uncontrollable and unintentional adoption of others' emotions typically pain continued for much of my childhood without me realizing what it truly was. Empathy. 

As a grown woman, the understanding of being an empath has allowed me to feel the emotions of others but also allowed me to learn how to set boundaries surrounding my emotions. I have come to learn being an empath means learning to set clear boundaries for myself, making it clear when I can incapable of taking on the emotions of others or feel drained by it. 

At the age of 23, I still feel that same very deep sadness I felt as a child when I see someone on the side of the road with a sign that says “lost everything help” I feel the pain they feel regardless of how they got there. I still feel every emotion someone feels when they explain a break-up to me or a family tragedy, and I even still feel a twinge of pain and hurt if I see crying at a coffee shop or airport. I don’t think I will ever stop feeling intense empathy. But boundaries have allowed me to not blindly feel the emotions but instead push further into my own emotions so feeling empathy for the people I love can actually help me have more meaningful conversations and heal people around me by being able to truly understand them. This growth in the last year of my life has made me a better girlfriend, a better daughter, and a better friend. 

If you relate to this and you too are an empath you are truly a gift to the world, and everyone could really use more empathy inlacing you toward yourself. 

Emotions have power and they make us all human.

Could you tell me a time you felt compassion?

I wanted to write something really profound about compassion and how I think it could change the world. 

How it is directly linked to the reduction of mental ill health and addiction. Directly linked to raising self esteem. Directly linked to reducing stress and anger. 

In it's simplest form compassion is kindness and empathy being used together. 

The rise of social media however means, we have become more obsessed with judging the shoes someone is wearing rather than be willing to step into them. 

As I tried to write my thoughts on compassion I realised the whole time I was internally saying, 'no one will care what you write', 'it won't be as good at other peoples', 'you are not good enough'... 

All to easily I allow this internal monologue to run. I sat for a moment and used my own compassion on myself. How heavy it can be to carry that voice around all the time and keep going with a smile with a willingness to help. 

I reminded myself - 'You are absolutely good enough'.

So as a final thought: If compassion is directly linked to the reduction of mental ill health to a sufferer yet can also raise empathy and understanding in someone who does not, maybe if we were all more compassionate a change will start to happen.

it is my hope that someday we will begin to talk about and teach compassion alongside mental health.

Could you tell me a time you felt angry?

It's not the only emotion men feel. It should also not be avoided. What triggers it? How can I move in a way that it doesn't cause damage or overtake my thought process. This is something I've learned to accept and embrace. When I grit my teeth, tense up or feel my heart beat- it's an indicator of what's coming up. It's allows me to feel into that experience thus allowing me to have more control to my reaction of a situation.

Could you tell me a time you felt content?

Recently I had a painful breakup and it broke me from the inside. I lost myself. I lost my self confidence, my self worth. A few times I thought about giving up. The emotional pain was so intense that it felt physical. I had my friends and family but I could trust nobody. I just wanted to keep it all inside because I was afraid of judgments. Thankfully I had myself. I turned to myself for help.

I love to talk to myself like I talk to my best friend that I love very much, that I would always protect and look after. Here’s a message to myself when I feel down.

“Novia, you have been so brave, so strong, and so dedicated to improving your own life. You have to acknowledge that you passed all those times that you found so hard to deal with in the past. You got through them all. That made you resilient. That made you capable. I know so well that it is difficult to get through this breakup. But you have to believe in yourself that you CAN do it, that you have the power to get through this, like any other times. I am aware that there are moments you feel that you want to give up, that it is too much, but come back to this writing and remind yourself that you CAN do it. Even though at times you feel so alone, just know that I will ALWAYS be here for you. I have been through all those times with you. I have never left your side. So don’t you give up.

Go for your dream. Manifest the life that you want. Start visualising the life that you dream of. Soon. Soon it will come true. I know that. I believe in you. I love you. You are a beautiful, amazing, smart, strong, powerful, loving, kind, giving, understanding, humble, trustworthy, capable girl.”

 Every time I connect with myself, a huge weight is lifted off my chest. I feel light and relieved. Slowly I am getting back up. Slowly I am opening up to others. Now I am grateful for my breakup, for the pain. If not for the pain, I would not have realised my own strength. My pain inspired me to be the best version of myself, to be compassionate, patient, and content.

Could you tell me a time you had to be active?

I wanted to write about how sports affect my mood, it's something I had never thought about before this year. The lockdown hit me harder than I thought, even after everything opened up I never realised how it had affected me. It was only once the second lockdown was announced that I realised.
I have never had a reason to put a link between sports and my mood, there has never been a time in my life that I wasn't apart of a sporting team of some kind, I am very fortunate.

When the lockdown was called I noticed that I wasn't as happy and as motivated, I was struggling, but everyone was! I had just moved home from uni, I was finishing my degree from home and I wasn't able to see any of my friends and I made that link, rather than the link between my mood and not taking part in sports. I finished my degree and I was still in a slump, I decided to try running to see if that would help, and it did. Things started to open up and I realised after an evening of kayaking on the Thames how much I'd relied on being active before lockdown, but everything had opened up and again I didn't have a reason to think about it, I was in a good way again and was allowed to be paddling and swimming and socialising. I had a very active summer and autumn, I was paddling more than often, swimming pretty much every day and had pole & hoop weekly.

The second lockdown was called and I realised there was a chance all of that would be taken away, and then it hit me how scared I was to be losing it all, and to be unable to do those things, switch off, refresh my mind and my goals.

I find so much strength and importance from being active and taking part in sports I love so much. My sports gives me something to aim for and a reason to get outside and be in fresh air, and I realise now how much all of this benefits me and my mental health.

Could tell me a time you felt like quitting?

It’s been a good week. I had a good therapy session, worked through a lot of stuff. I always eat healthy, I’m active. Overall I’m feeling okay. Just a bit tired today.

I work away at a mundane computer task in my home office. Run through the same steps, click ‘publish’, wait.

I open my social media while I’m waiting and post something to pass the time.

Back to the mundane task. Run through the same steps, click ‘publish’, wait.

Back to social media. My crush posted something. Did she like my post? No. Did she view my story? No. 

Sigh. I really do feel tired today. Why is that?

Back to the mundane task. Run through the same steps, click ‘publish’, wait.

Back to social media. Still no likes. Does she know I exist? Why am I out of breath?Run through the same steps, click ‘publish’, wait.

It’s not a good day anymore. Why was seeing her online a trigger for me? Or was that the trigger at all? Was I already feeling down? I was having a good week, but I feel so lonely now. I need to stop thinking about her. What else can I think about? My family. Sure. We’re going through some drama right now. I’ve been thinking about that a bit too much lately, too. Why not give it some more of my time? I feel so winded right now.

Same steps, click ‘publish’, wait.

Dedicating energy to this job just got a lot harder. I need a break. It’s almost lunch time. I should exercise.

It’s hard to walk across the apartment. My body feels almost numb. But I do it anyway. I change my clothes, turn on some music, and stand in front of the mirror. My posture is off. It’s hard to stand up straight. I’ve been getting fit lately, but right now I don’t like what I see. Do I have the energy for this?

I pick up my weights. Wow. I’m exhausted. Deep breath. Remember to breathe. I need this workout. Where the body goes, the mind follows. 

My arms push out a set of overhead reps. I can do this. But wow, I feel numb. Like the energy is there to do this workout but I can’t sense it. What is wrong with me today?

Back to thinking about my crush. Should I DM her? What if she’s not into me? Will I look stupid? I wish I didn’t think about her so much. Ugh. I need to think about something else.

A set of chair dips this time. Energy is still there. Still can’t feel it, though.

Back to thinking about my family, imagining a difficult conversation, how it might play out, what if, what if, what if…

Down on the floor for a set of chest presses. I finish and just want to lay here. I know I need to do sit-ups. Maybe just a short breather.

Further down the mental rabbit hole. Crush, loneliness, family, imaginary conversations, what if, what if, what if… God I’m tired. How long have I been lying here?

Sit-ups are done and I’m lying down again. So tired. Could nap here. But no. I do have the energy. I can get through this, even though my body is telling me it’s too tired. It’s obviously not. I will not let this beat me. Get up, I tell myself. Now!

More overhead presses. More thinking. More chair dips. More thinking. More chest presses. More thinking. More sit-ups. More thinking. And so on, and so on, and so on until the workout is over.

Shower, eat, back to work. Same steps, click ‘publish’, wait.

Now I really am tired. But I earned it. And now I don’t feel so bad. In fact I’m not thinking in overdrive anymore. I feel normal again. It’s over.

I think days like this might always happen and it won’t always make sense why. But, when my mind tells me to lie down and quit, I won’t. I will still do the things I planned to do. The obsessive thoughts will come but I will push on in spite of them. One step at a time, one set at a time, one action at a time. Each time I push, I find out that yes, I do have the strength to do it. And in the end I feel better because I know I beat it again today. In fact, I haven’t lost in a really long time.

Could you tell me a time you felt trust?

Trust is so broad and so hard to experience to a true extent. Trust in your family and friends that they love you, care for you and support you in a way that allows you to thrive into the best version of yourself. Trust in yourself that you are true, you are content with who and where you are, and that you live up to your own values. I know for me that I find it hard to trust not only myself, but others as well. Sometimes I trust too quickly. However, when you find it, true trust is a unique feeling of security that I believe is the best possible feeling.

Could you tell me a time you felt pressure?

Pressure is an emotion that is felt by everyone every single day. It could be a personal pressure, a work pressure, a friendship pressure. Each person gets affected by pressure in their own way. In that sense, it is relatable for everyone. I disagree! The way pressure affects someone is unique to every person, and that is what makes it even harder to overcome.

Relating to my own experiences, I have felt pressure in varying degrees, and in varying forms. A prime example which I think effects men more than we know, is the pressure to achieve an "idealistic body type". This has affected me for a lot of my life. All forms of media have received backlash surrounding women’s "idealistic body type", and rightly so. Men have not responded to this issue in the same way. There is pressure for men to look a certain way, and contrastingly to women, this has just been accepted. This shouldn’t be the case, as not only is this "idealistic body type" difficult to achieve, the pressure to get these results greatly impacts men more than they would care to admit. Of course, there is a fine balance, and being healthy hugely improves mental health. I have learned a lot about this, and it has helped my mental health greatly. Achieving the muscular, 6-pack body type, is very challenging to balance alongside full time education or employment and so shouldn’t be glorified!

Personal pressure to achieve academically, or in employment, has also greatly impacted me over the years. I have always felt the need to make sure I’m financially secure, or to try and perform at the highest possible level. Similarly to the "idealistic body type" this is not only difficult to achieve, but sometimes sets you up to fail. If you don’t achieve your personal goal, then your mental health slowly deteriorates, and you start believing that you cannot achieve any goal you set out for yourself. This outlook on life of having to perform at the highest possible level has negatively impacted my mental health, and paired alongside trying to achieve a ‘perfect body’, has meant that I’ve felt pressure everyday.

What I have learned, is that exercise is vital for my mental health. Not only that, surrounding myself with those who support you and help you grow is far more important than trying to achieve unrealistic goals.

My final thought is that I have always found that supporting someone emotionally is easier when you can relate to the emotion they are going through. What makes pressure, in my opinion, harder to help support, is that it differs from person to person. As I said earlier, it is unique. Therefore, the best way, I think, to help someone who is feeling pressured, is to go for a long walk, or sit them down, and just listen. Speaking through issues, or pressures, helps put everything on the table. It is very difficult for someone else to help fix your own personal pressure, but having someone there to listen is sometimes all that is needed. Men need to speak out more about pressure! I reckon, we are all suffering from it mentally more than we may initially think.

Could you tell me a time you felt shame?

By the time I learned about shame I was out the other side with a few years more life experience under my belt.

All I knew at the time was the dark almost suffocating sensation of wanting to be invisible, to not exist, take up space or be noticed.

My anxiety spiralled when I was 17 during my college years during A levels, when life should've otherwise been light and free of complications.

I distinctly remember being on the 7th floor of the college building and the walls closing in and my body frozen with terror. The lecturer continued, unaware of the internal meltdown and loss of reality I was experiencing. How my thoughts and internal dialogue stopped functioning, and sheer primal instincts came to the fore. My body, my heart and brain I resigned myself, are shutting down, this is where I meet the end of my existence.

It's so easy to say with hindsight that anxiety or panic attacks are just of the mind, and can be overridden. Once you've been vulnerable and terrified, wanting to retreat to a safe place and become foetal, cry and sob on your Mothers lap like a baby and make it stop. Then it's much harder to resign the sensations as just to the mind.

It strips you back to the very foundations of your being, removes layers of knowledge, wisdom, safety and security. The knowledge that such a departure from reality can happen in a split second, reduces you to an infantile state. The usual laws of humanity and the universe melt away and leave you open and exposed like a cliff face to the ocean. 

Without realising, the shame of knowing my mind could crumble and was weak, set me apart from everyone who loved me. I wasn't a human anymore, I couldn't validate existing with such an affliction. 

Twenty years on from these experiences, I can see where shame and fear held me from moving forward. Feeling broken and worthless can paralyse, it's tricks the mind into resignation, into giving up.

My reason for openness and honesty with my own mental health journey is to help unlock those trapped in the bubble of fear and shame. To give permission to feel those feelings, but to eventually challenge them, to work through them. To see the life on the other side. To experience humility for one's own self is a hard process but ultimately holds the key to freedom and joy. 

Could you tell me a time you felt fear?

Dear one,

I’m sorry you fell into the well of pain.

A place where no guidance can prepare you for the storm that so openly tears you apart;

A fear that no words can begin to explain;

A longing, that even once freedom and security comes, sends scarcity through your bloodstream, as you fear it pouring out, once more before you…

You may see those scars every day, that the world behaves so blind to;

You may feel the throbbing of a heart that no longer seeks what it once thrived on;

You may shy away from the temptation of infusing with another soul of this war that you know so well;

You may, ponder over the idea of letting light into your wound, yet let the vulnerability swamp your glimmer of confidence.

You may.

May you also, remember that you are guided through the tides that have felt like they’ve drowned you.

Your scars are seen, beneath the breathe of your brightest verse.

Your soul illuminates the peace you’ve been seeking, that you still bury so deep within you.

Your calling for more joy, love, acceptance and support is heard.

For now, dear one, listen to the whispers of your suffering.

Let the bruises and tears build you stepping stones, and defeat all of your fears.

Don’t let the pain dampen you. Don’t let it make you feel any less worthy than you are.

Don’t let the anger feed the fire of resentment. Let it feed back into the love burning within your heart.

Don’t let those who failed you, take away your token of receiving the best from those who will help you grow.

Don’t let the weakness of another, steal the strength of your own.

These scars, once warn with acceptance and courage, are the driveway to a wonderland of knowing; knowing all that you are capable of.

Whilst the pain may linger, surrender, and remain afloat in an ocean of tears, for the wind will change for you to sail into the horizon of abundance.

It may seem invisible, too far, and impossible to reach at times, I know. Keep your arms linked with those holding you up, and release your ties to the underworld that will forever try to pull you down. You will find clarity and direction.

It might not be your time to be fully in control, but it is your time to open up your hand. Allow space for someone to hold on to you throughout the ride.

When you’re ready to spread your wings, you can paint them together.

The old dust of yesterday and the darkness left behind in the night, will be renewed with the colours that have been there all along. They are yours, awaiting the opportunity to shine bright.

Only you can blossom your inner beauty, and allow them to glow again.

You are beautiful.

You are worthy.

You are heard.

You are guided.

You are loved

& You are love.

Could you tell me a time you felt love?

I have spent so many years denying myself of my

own light

being told to zip my lips

hide my tears

change my body

shift my dreams

but, the more I open my heart

the more I feel

that I am the magic

my sensitivity is my power

I am the ocean

forever ebbing and flowing

dancing with the sun

and the moon

how lucky am I to feel the love of the universe

within my very being

wake up

we are born into this life to love

Could you tell me a time you felt resilient?

As I reflect on my life to date - my childhood, adolescence, my education, family ordeals, relationships and the longed for profession I find myself in, it has become increasingly apparent that only through episodes of raw emotion have I become resilient and grounded in the face of adversity.

With, often, little say in the cards we are dealt with in life, we can find ourselves presented with very few options. These options, though simple on the surface, prove to be incredibly complex in moments of despair, particularly when you are yet to navigate life and encounter the peaks and troths it inevitably has in store for you.

Adversity can mean lots of different things, to lots of different people; over the years I have come to recognise that one person’s pain is not always another person’s privilege. I (would) frequently find myself diminishing my grief on the basis that ‘somebody else has it worse’ or ‘it’s not as bad as...[insert person or event]’. Of course it’s not always ‘as bad’. I am not ignorant nor naive enough to think my suffering is at the peak of human hardship - I do not live in a society where: children are pushed to the brink of starvation; political indoctrination costs innocent lives; people are desperately attempting to flee their country in fear of prosecution or war.

Recognising the lived and unfathomable realties of others is imperative; having an awareness of these ensures we remain empathetic and grateful. However, when we compare our own experiences to the conditions in which we are not products off, we delay and neglect our emotions, often parking them up and never driving them away.

I tended to fear that by feeling upset or ‘sorry for myself’ this correlated to being selfish and self-indulgent, narrow-minded or misanthropic. How could I be upset with my Mum’s diagnosis? Her life had just been saved...How could I be saddened by my parents divorce? People dream of having two Christmas days...Though the latter may be true for both, does this reduce the pain of an absent mother when transitioning into womanhood? Does it remove the vivid image of your parent being wired up to countless machines in HDU? Is the nomadic natured lifestyle, endured from 4 years old, eradicated? Recognising others’ suffering should not come at the cost of invalidating your own.

If I could give my younger self any advice, what would it be? Quite simply, this: Feel deeply and suffer loudly. “We live the rest of our lives in our own heads - make sure they are nice places to be. “

Could you tell me a time you felt acceptance?

I’m not sure most people would coin “acceptance” as an emotion but it is for me. I like to visualize myself at the center of a tornado completely still. Watching the movement, the chaos and the feelings and not making it mean anything. I cultivate acceptance of what is because-from that state everything can move and flow as it should. It’s when we resist that we feel stuck, when we feel engulfed in emotion and we feel isolated and alone. We are perfectly human and “happiness” is not the only emotion on the menu. Some days look like anxiety, others deep sorrow, and then there bliss, joy and calm. It’s about accepting what is and letting those emotions (energy in motion) move through us so they do not get trapped and stored in our bodies. Acceptance to me is the key.

Could you tell me a time you felt self love?

I didn’t realise that I had lost all feeling of self love until having therapy after a traumatic relationship breakup two years ago.

My partner had been suffering with depression for sometime, and it wasn’t until his diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that the gravitas of the situation hit me. It was the first time I truly acknowledged how much our relationship had broken down, how I was no longer ‘coping’ and that I needed to take care of myself too.

I sought counselling which enabled me to reflect on the past 7 years, and the reality that I had completely neglected my own self worth. I had been living my life the way someone else wanted me to, up to a point where I had lost who I was. I had stopped loving myself.

Ultimately, it was decided the best route moving forward for us both was to separate. The time on my own gave me the opportunity to think deep about who I was, what I really wanted and where I wanted to be. It wasn’t until I moved and settled down that I began to feel self love. I realised that I had to love myself for the sake of my own mental wellbeing; how could I pour from an empty cup?

Now, I practice self love daily. I set boundaries and speak affirmations which I find incredibly empowering. I never want to lose who I am again.

I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.

Could you tell me a time you felt gratitude?

An emotion which is important to me would be gratitude and being content. As old as it sounds, I am realising that life does not seem to be about the massive highs and lows anymore. Instead, the quiet moments when I am surrounded by my favourite people or enjoying a coffee in the sun are really special. I feel like these moments and emotions allow me to reconnect with what I believe is really important away from the busyness.

Could you tell me a time you felt anxious?

Anxiety is a feeling of unease , fear and nervousness. There are many other words that I could use to describe the feeling of “anxiety”. 

Anxiety is one of many mental health problems that affect so many people and that is why it’s important for me to say how it’s made me feel and how I have been able to deal with it. 

For me, one of the most important emotions that I’ve learnt from has been anxiety. It’s an area that makes you feel self doubt, building up a fear and almost leaves you feeling mentally drained along with a lack of self confidence. For people who know me, they will know that I’m super positive towards most situations and I will always look into things with a optimistic thought process.  When I started to experience anxiety, I didn’t know what it was until I saw a professional, I was experiencing panic attacks every morning for 2 weeks straight which had stopped me from attending both university and work. Of course, I knew something wasn’t quite right. The reason I didn’t know, is because there is still stigma around people’s mental health which is starting to slowly get better but it could be improved.

I’m currently in my last year of university as well as growing my own business. So as some can imagine, surely that could be a cause? 

Partially yes, but I always like to push myself and sometimes that can help me cope with my anxiety as my job is my passion and other times it can make me feel overwhelmed and scared incase I’m not good enough?

BUT this is what anxiety makes you feel like. It’s important that you don’t let anxiety win. You find coping mechanisms to deal with it. My main coping mechanism is exercise. Exercise has been something that has hugely improved my mental health as well as my self confidence.

Seeking help towards my anxiety before it had developed over a period of time, was the best thing I ever did.

Could you tell me a time you felt acceptance?

Acceptance is a hugely important emotion in my mind. Not everything is going to swing your way; be it work, not getting the promotion you wanted, not performing as well as you know you can. In relationships, arguing about something you just don't see eye to eye about. Everything we do in life we have to accept, you change it. Being able to accept that things will be against you. But know that things will also work in your favour. Accept who you are and that the emotions you feel are natural. That you can't change them and everything we feel, we should accept openly and freely. Acceptance is everything, if you can't accept you can't grow.

Could you tell me a time you reflected on your values?

This morning, I finished a book called “The subtle art of not giving a fuck”. It was actually a really insightful book, and I was pleasantly surprised by it. Some chapters I really loved, and other chapters I felt a bit irked by the way the author put across his opinions. He spoke some harsh truths, but this was actually quite refreshing. He made me feel uncomfortable and annoyed by what he said, because it made me realise a lot of stuff about myself. His tone and style of writing is very American, but once you get over that, you will enjoy it and I highly recommend you read it. It will make you reflect a lot and so this is what I am doing now.

I want to talk about values, and what I think is important in life and how I measure success, happiness, and all that stuff. I would like to think that I have a rough idea of what makes me happy and how I value things, but I know as I get older, these metrics change. I know that I don’t measure success in terms of materialistic things. Of course, I do like to treat myself now and again with clothes etc., but I know if I didn’t have any of that, I would still be happy. I am not working to be able to one day own a big house, with a fancy car, and have lavish holidays. When I look to the future, I envision myself doing something for other people, working to save the environment and having a partner that supports me, is caring and has similar values to me.

The book that I read talked a lot about the fact that we are not special. Not me, not you, not anyone. We are actually quite un-extraordinary. Which is totally fine. I know I am probably not going to be the Prime Minister, or the head of WWF, or win a Nobel peace prize. This doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious or have goals in life, I have plenty of drive and I feel quite sure of myself and my abilities. But this idea of having to be the best at everything is something I don’t feel the need to stress about. I am perfectly happy living a small life, with people I love, doing something I enjoy, feeling like I am participating in society and doing good for the world. 

 This workaholic atmosphere that has been created in a lot of Western societies is not healthy or sustainable. People work ridiculous hours, thinking that they have to work constantly so that they can beat everyone else and get to the top. It is every man for themselves, and if they fall behind, then they will be seen as a failure. But this is just not true. Someone I know had a big birthday recently and he’s having a bit of a midlife crisis. He has achieved so much; he has a PHD, married the love of his life, travelled the world, has a well-paying job that lets him go on amazing holidays, yet he is unsatisfied with his life. He thinks that he hasn’t accomplished enough in his life, and that his years are slipping away from him, which sounds crazy. He told me that he didn’t want any birthday cards this year, because he didn’t want to accept the fact, he was getting older. How absurd is that? Anyway, I hope that he realises that he still has his whole life to look forward to, and he decides to enjoy it.

I think this is something that a lot of people struggle with. They cannot realise and appreciate what is right in front of them. They measure their self-worth and success in silly ways. I know it is a hard thing to do, but you have to stop comparing yourself to other people. I used to do this a lot, and I still sometimes do. I look around me in my tutorials in St Andrews, and think, wow all these people are so much smarter than me, and are probably going to do better in life than me. But this is such an unhealthy thing to do. You have to measure your progress in your own terms, and think, wow I have come such a long way since my first year, and I have accomplished so much, and I am proud of that. 

Another point that the book mentioned was this obsession of people wanting to leave their mark on the world and wanting to be remembered. This is why we have buildings named after people, and statues, and all this stuff. People don’t really want to die and be forgotten. It is important to accept that death is something that happens to everyone, and for a lot of people, they won’t be remembered for doing anything extraordinary, unless you’re exceptional at something like art, sport, music, science etc. But we can’t all grow up to be Shakespeare’s and Picasso’s. I think what I am trying to say is that we have to learn to just be content with what we have, otherwise we will spend all our lives thinking we aren’t good enough, and always wanting something more. It has taken me a while to get to this stage in my life, where I feel like I am enough, and I am happy with myself and feel like I have a purpose. I don’t want to just be floating around on this big rock doing nothing, I want to do something. Whether it is writing this blog post, or running a marathon, or starting to paint. I want to do something I enjoy and feel inspired to do it, and this feeling gets me excited to start all sorts of projects. I hope this blog post inspires you too.