Could you tell me a time you reflected on your values?

This morning, I finished a book called “The subtle art of not giving a fuck”. It was actually a really insightful book, and I was pleasantly surprised by it. Some chapters I really loved, and other chapters I felt a bit irked by the way the author put across his opinions. He spoke some harsh truths, but this was actually quite refreshing. He made me feel uncomfortable and annoyed by what he said, because it made me realise a lot of stuff about myself. His tone and style of writing is very American, but once you get over that, you will enjoy it and I highly recommend you read it. It will make you reflect a lot and so this is what I am doing now.

I want to talk about values, and what I think is important in life and how I measure success, happiness, and all that stuff. I would like to think that I have a rough idea of what makes me happy and how I value things, but I know as I get older, these metrics change. I know that I don’t measure success in terms of materialistic things. Of course, I do like to treat myself now and again with clothes etc., but I know if I didn’t have any of that, I would still be happy. I am not working to be able to one day own a big house, with a fancy car, and have lavish holidays. When I look to the future, I envision myself doing something for other people, working to save the environment and having a partner that supports me, is caring and has similar values to me.

The book that I read talked a lot about the fact that we are not special. Not me, not you, not anyone. We are actually quite un-extraordinary. Which is totally fine. I know I am probably not going to be the Prime Minister, or the head of WWF, or win a Nobel peace prize. This doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious or have goals in life, I have plenty of drive and I feel quite sure of myself and my abilities. But this idea of having to be the best at everything is something I don’t feel the need to stress about. I am perfectly happy living a small life, with people I love, doing something I enjoy, feeling like I am participating in society and doing good for the world. 

 This workaholic atmosphere that has been created in a lot of Western societies is not healthy or sustainable. People work ridiculous hours, thinking that they have to work constantly so that they can beat everyone else and get to the top. It is every man for themselves, and if they fall behind, then they will be seen as a failure. But this is just not true. Someone I know had a big birthday recently and he’s having a bit of a midlife crisis. He has achieved so much; he has a PHD, married the love of his life, travelled the world, has a well-paying job that lets him go on amazing holidays, yet he is unsatisfied with his life. He thinks that he hasn’t accomplished enough in his life, and that his years are slipping away from him, which sounds crazy. He told me that he didn’t want any birthday cards this year, because he didn’t want to accept the fact, he was getting older. How absurd is that? Anyway, I hope that he realises that he still has his whole life to look forward to, and he decides to enjoy it.

I think this is something that a lot of people struggle with. They cannot realise and appreciate what is right in front of them. They measure their self-worth and success in silly ways. I know it is a hard thing to do, but you have to stop comparing yourself to other people. I used to do this a lot, and I still sometimes do. I look around me in my tutorials in St Andrews, and think, wow all these people are so much smarter than me, and are probably going to do better in life than me. But this is such an unhealthy thing to do. You have to measure your progress in your own terms, and think, wow I have come such a long way since my first year, and I have accomplished so much, and I am proud of that. 

Another point that the book mentioned was this obsession of people wanting to leave their mark on the world and wanting to be remembered. This is why we have buildings named after people, and statues, and all this stuff. People don’t really want to die and be forgotten. It is important to accept that death is something that happens to everyone, and for a lot of people, they won’t be remembered for doing anything extraordinary, unless you’re exceptional at something like art, sport, music, science etc. But we can’t all grow up to be Shakespeare’s and Picasso’s. I think what I am trying to say is that we have to learn to just be content with what we have, otherwise we will spend all our lives thinking we aren’t good enough, and always wanting something more. It has taken me a while to get to this stage in my life, where I feel like I am enough, and I am happy with myself and feel like I have a purpose. I don’t want to just be floating around on this big rock doing nothing, I want to do something. Whether it is writing this blog post, or running a marathon, or starting to paint. I want to do something I enjoy and feel inspired to do it, and this feeling gets me excited to start all sorts of projects. I hope this blog post inspires you too.