Could you tell me a time where you had to process loss?

I never expected to be in a position where I was writing about losing a loved one. I am fortunate enough to have reached the age of 22 without losing anyone around me. I have seen friends grieve over the loss of family or friends and, although I could sympathise greatly, I never had a true understanding of what they were going through. That was until recently when my grandad sadly passed away.

I am grateful to have a very close-knit family and have grown up with both sets of grandparents around during my childhood. This is something that I learned to appreciate more over the years, and I value time spent with them.

After living with cancer (in remission) since 2018, my grandad sadly lost his life in early October. Although I don’t feel it is necessary to focus on the last few months of his life, I learned a lot about my grandad’s resilience and love for his family during this time. That is something I will never forget.

I was away at the time of his passing and, while I considered returning home early, I now feel that it was meant to be that way. Having a friend who studied psychology, she had toldme that distraction is one of many techniques used to regulate emotion. Although I am a great believer in processing yourthoughts and feelings, I found that the distraction from everything happening at home allowed me the time that I needed to do this. From what I can remember, the feeling of sadness would fluctuate throughout the day. Despite this, it was a very enjoyable trip visiting friends and I tried not to fall into a mindset of thinking I should feel a certain way.

Once home, I prepared myself for the waves of emotion to be stronger and more frequent. And they were - but they were manageable. I was grateful to have my extended family around, who talked about grandad and the memories we shared with him. This was a reminder that I was not the only person grieving, which I found comforting.

As time has passed, the period between each wave has grown longer. I try not to think of this negatively, and instead just a part of the process. Of course, there will always be milestones and days that are harder than the rest. Even though it has only been a few months, I have learned that the grieving process is dynamic. What I mean by this, is that some days feel like you have progressed and can view things more positively, and other days feel more overwhelming and sad.

I am conscious that grief is felt differently by every individual, and there is no one way of processing a loss. There is no handbook for coping with grief. And no one ever tried to tell me how to do it. Likewise, no one has said how long it will last.

One thing I know is that I am continually finding ways that help me to process the loss of my grandad. Writing down how I feel, much like I am now, is one of them. I hope that anyone reading this under similar circumstances, can also find ways to help process their loss.