Could you tell me a time you felt stressed?

In my personal and work life I’m always the person people turn to for advice and guidance. My paid 9-5 job is to protect, support and guide people, however I can’t help but take on this role in my personal life too. As a consequence, I’m aware that I regularly place my own needs and emotions behind those of others.

Recently, a number of the closest people to me were struggling in one way or another. Many of them were feeling depressed and questioning their paths in life. Others were going through breakups and family issues. I was spending almost all of my time and energy trying to call my loved ones and replying to their messages and concerns, whilst maintaining a similar but more intense role at work. I was frustrated that I couldn’t fix things for people and could feel myself becoming emotionally very drained. Looking back, I felt as though I was failing as a friend and family member if I wasn’t trying my hardest to help.

I then woke up one morning and really struggled to get out of bed, I had never experienced this level of exhaustion. I went into work with a complete lack of motivation and couldn’t concentrate in the slightest. I was very tearful had intense stomach pains and felt sick. I went to see a Dr later that day and was told that these symptoms were stress- induced and was advised to take some time off work. That evening, I broke down crying and couldn’t stop for hours.

On reflection, I was taking on too much and not having any time for myself to just breathe. I’d felt a level of responsibility for my loved ones to ensure they didn’t harm themselves. I think this stemmed from a previous experience when I’d been bad at replying to someone very close to me as I’d been so busy, to then find out that they’d been admitted to hospital due to self- harming, which I felt partially responsible for. I’ve also always told myself that to do my job well, I can’t be weak and that I need to stay strong at all times. I think I’d forgotten that being human means things are bound to effect us and we can’t plan what our emotions will be.

I’ve now made small changes in my life which have helped me to keep perspective and ensure I have time for myself. I make sure I don’t turn my phone on until half an hour after I’ve woken up and eaten breakfast. I turn my phone on flight mode and go on runs and do yoga. Even having these small moments all to myself are so important. I have learnt that self- care is everything. We can only look out for others when we are looking after ourselves. I’ve also learnt that reaching out for help is so crucial. If I hadn’t broken down in tears to my boyfriend that evening, he wouldn’t have persuaded me to take some time off work and I’d likely have become even more stressed.