Could you tell me a time when you felt unashamed?

I always used to find it strange that regardless of status, class, race or gender there has always been so much stigma and shame around mental health. Shame projected towards individuals who are actively practising mental self-care and shame projected onto individuals who struggle with mental illness. As someone who personally lives with mental illness, there is much that I learnt about mental health that I am daily unlearning as I grow in mental wellness. The learnings around mental health come in various phases from when one is born; as babies, our cognitive development is either celebrated or shamed based on what we can do by when. The abilities fitting the ‘normal’ timelines are celebrated and rewarded, anything outside of this normal is immediately shamed and ridiculed as being abnormal and not okay. 

In our adolescent stage; youths' ability to cope with their changing bodies, self-discovery and social engagement whilst doing well at school, being happy, and healthily communicating their emotions can be seen as physical expressions of mental wellness. Once again when a youth expresses anything outside or different from the above behaviours we easily write that young person off as being difficult, not taking life seriously or simply bad at decision making. Once again shame surfaces and instead of creating self spaces for healthy inclusion our society has been systematically built to exclude those who fall outside of social norms not just financially, racially but also emotionally. In adult life the expectation shifts and again we are introduced to more scales of measurement for our mental health, the shame never quite leaves throughout the various stages of life. Many adults struggle to even speak about their emotional and mental health struggles as social expectations once again remind them that anything outside of the said norm is unacceptable. 

At 21 I was diagnosed with depression and could never speak about it until I was in my late twenties. Mental illness and mental health are a challenging experience on their own but the added weight of shame is very difficult for anyone regardless of age to carry. I call the above, the mental health shame culture. As an optimist, I believe for every negative there is always a greater and more liberating positive. Instead of talking negatively about mental health or completely avoiding the conversation what if we curate a shameless positive culture surrounding mental health from birth until old age.

Unlearning shame is imperative for us to build a healthier society where people are not only medicated to support their well-being but also experience the possibility of healing spaces and healing communities. I have had the privilege of working at Waves for Change since 2018, a youth-focused mental health service non-profit in South Africa. Waves for Change is an example of a model which encapsulates various age groups, the power of creating a shameless mental health society and creating mental health positive communities where people are encouraged to be, to share, learn and thrive without shame or stigma. 

Working at Waves for Change I can say has been a destiny defining experience for my mental health. As being in this space has allowed me to learn about mental health through a new lens, a lens that holds no shame or stigma. I have learnt about safe spaces that even though we have grown up in a culture where mental health is unaddressed or shamed that we have the power to curate safe spaces for conversations about mental health. I have learnt to embrace neurodiversity and be open to learning how other people think. What I love about the Waves for Change model is that it is built on a values system called ‘Being Bananas’ - Respect, protect, communicate. I believe these three values are the golden thread that makes the difference in our human experience. As I mentioned in the beginning the mental health shame culture begins from birth and is unfortunately reinforced throughout our lives until we are old. 

I invite you dear reader to unlearn and relearn like I have by using the Bananas Culture; respect, protect and communicate. From birth to adulthood we have the opportunity to curate a shameless mental health narrative and reinforce the Bananas culture to replacing the mental health shame culture. 

We can all practise being Bananas; to feel free, embrace the beauty and shameless power of our mental health journey at every phase in life. Mental health is a systemic issue that needs to be deconstructed and rebuilt to encourage a positive understanding of mental health as a critical part of physical health. The Bananas culture is a critical building block in society as we deconstruct old harmful systems and rebuild healthy, inclusive and liberating systems. There is no shame in any part of the mental health spectrum just hope, inclusion and diversity. I remember a time when I felt unashamed it was when my mental health became my superpower it is when I began living by the Bananas culture.