Could you tell me a time you felt afraid of the unknown?

Anxiety is something that has paralyzed me for my entire life but I never had the courage to share this invisible battle until now.

My name is Luke Adams and I am a filmmaker and creative entrepreneur based in Connecticut. The uncertainty of running my own business can often lead to a perpetual cycle of worry and self doubt. You are literally relying for yourself for income or survival in many instances. Even after an incredible month, you wonder what the future holds and when your good luck will run out. I think many of us had felt uncertainty like this during the pandemic when the future became less and less predictable. The general pandemic anxiety, social isolation and business uncertainty combined to lead me to fall into the darkest period of my life.

My nights were filled with panic attacks as I’d toss and turn worrying about the future. “Would clients stop hiring me? If they did when would I run out of money? What would my team, family and friends think of this failure? Was I ever even good enough to run a business?” This spiral of thoughts led me into a paralyzing abyss of doubts each and every night. Before a big project or meeting, I would be lucky to get more than 1 hour of sleep. 

The problem with focusing on the future, is that you are giving your energy to things that are 100% outside of your control. Over the course of the last two years, I started focusing on being fully present and not allowing myself to wonder into imagining the future. This consisted of locking my phone away during the day to avoid mindless scrolling, starting my day with a cold shower and not being afraid to ask for help when I needed it. 

I also believe men place a high degree of pressure on themselves to success and provide for the people we care about. It’s almost instinctual and can cause us to feel as if we’re not good enough despite giving 110%. What helped me here is releasing the idea of control over to something bigger. For some people that could be God, Fate, the Universe etc. We can’t hold onto every battle or the weight will slowly crush us.

My personal journey and realizations about anxiety inspired me to do something bold to raise awareness for the rarely talked about issue of men’s mental health. 

To symbolize facing the invisible battles that many of us hide below the surface away from our friends, family members and ourselves, I decided to swim underneath an iceberg in Greenland. Something about the symbolism of the majority of the iceberg being submerged underwater intrigued me. 

It became a straight up obsession to swim underneath an iceberg. The only problem is I couldn’t swim or hold my breath long enough to make it possible.

Luca Malaguti is a professional freediver meaning he is able to hold his breath and dive to depths of nearly 300ft without needing scuba tanks. He took on the immense challenge of training me on how to not only freedive but to freedive in freezing water temperatures as cold as 28 degrees F. 

The training was incredibly difficult and I considered giving up frequently but the mission reminded me why this was important. So, 5 months of training go by and we assemble an amazing film crew and support team to fly to Tasiliaq, Greenland with us, just 60km shy of the Arctic Circle. 

The second I feel the below freezing water temperatures, I involuntarily gasp for air. I realize this won’t be nearly as easy as I had imagined. The uncertainty of what will happen if hold my breath and dive below the surface both terrifies me and excites me.

The first dive I struggled to make it past a few feet and hold my breath for more than 15 seconds. The water is too cold and I begin wondering if this project is even possible. 

The second dive my coach, Luca, instructs me to wait 2 more seconds after I feel like giving up. On this dive, the cold and urge to breath slowly disappear as I descend deeper underneath the iceberg.

At the bottom, I feel more calm and present then I have in years. I almost forget that I need to come up to air but the clicking of Daan Verhoeven shutter snapping photos reminds me I can’t stay in this moment forever.

I dive underneath another 14 times after that to get all the angles and takes we need to pull together our short film.

Facing this invisible battle gave me the confidence to realize that my inner strength can overcome any amount of uncertainty - I just need to relinquish my desire for control and shift my focus from the future to the present. It’s here that I can find peace and sanity among the madness that exists in the world. 

This stunt is the foundation for our short film which we’re using to raise awareness for men’s mental health with Movember. 

Our full short film is linked here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNW61wrBwGo

If you’re interested in supporting my mission you can donate to my fundraising efforts for Movember here - http://movember.com/m/lukeadamsfreedive