Can you tell me a time you said no?

The power of no. A saying most of us have heard, but what does it actually mean?

For my Dad, saying no is to let people down. He has too many friends to keep on top of but if one asks, he’ll go for that tennis game in a flash, even if he has too much to do already. For my sister, who is a Nurse, saying no is not doing her duty of looking after those who need it, even though she may have already worked 56 hours that week on a covid ward. For me, saying no was one of the most difficult things I’ve done, because it went against everything a young professional is told to do.

I was offered a job in London in 2019, a job which fit into the dream category. It was exactly what my degree had trained me for, the first step into my career. But something wasn’t right. That feeling that sometimes knots into your stomach, gave me the power to say no. It wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t right for me, right then.

But why was it so hard to grip onto that power of no? Why did I feel an immense amount of pressure, from the job, from my uni tutors in the back of my mind… from my LinkedIn profile?! Why are these external forces enough to make you question what you know you are doing for yourself? I felt like I was on my own, having to prove to everyone I knew that I knew what I was doing. When later came the questioning myself.

I’ve always been a huge worrier. When I was 7 I cried for days because I thought the teacher was indirectly telling me off for something that wasn’t even aimed at me. At 23, I will now play situations over and over in my mind, months and even years later to question I made the right decision. If there’s something I could have done ‘differently’.

But my point is this. However much you worry, however much you may feel you’ve let people down or just can’t do that one more shift, you made that decision for a reason, for you. And that should be enough for others to understand, too. Caring for yourself first, saying no, is immeasurably important.

I’d love you to remind yourself a time you said no, with pride. Because that power is within you.