Could you tell me a time you felt pressure?

Pressure is usually synonymous with external factors; friends, finances, relationships etc. However, the times when I have felt under the most pressure, have been where these factors aren’t really apparent. It has been in everyday life, putting pressure on myself to act in a certain way, be a certain person. 

These internal forces , were especially felt as I started at university in first year. I felt very lucky and excited to start. I had in mind exactly what I thought the university experience, my course and generally how I wanted my three years to go. Without realising it, I was putting pressure on myself to live up to these expectations. Coupled with the inevitable pressures of weekly essay deadlines, tutorials and regular tests meant that first year was a bit of a rocky one. 

Being surrounded by brilliant people was amazing but equally led me to feeling incredibly out of place, although this was well known as imposter syndrome - I didn’t know it at the time, and just thought they had made a big mistake in my admission process! This gradually led to physical manifestations of pressure. I initially overworked, just in order to not appear as out of place as I felt, before applying to a different university at the end of term 1 in the hope of moving. 

I was incredibly lucky to meet someone on my course who felt very similarly to I did. Perhaps the most surprising and perhaps comforting, thing was that I wouldn’t have expected her to feel this intense pressure to fit in and do well, as she seemed to be calm and bubbly on the outside. This really emphasised to me that many people are experiencing similar challenges, and many are hiding behind trying to appear on top of things, or laughing off doing badly – I know I was. Talking to her was helpful beyond words, it allowed me to talk to my tutors and open up about the pressure I felt. Long chats, rants and sharing tips were all conducive to a much improved second year. Pressure will always be an inevitable accompaniment to experiences you care about, however, I have gradually learnt (through talking and learning) to not let this pressure distort the way I looked at things.