Could you tell me a time you felt emotional?

I’ve always been described as an “emotional person” and I’ve never really known what it meant. I just assumed that it meant sad because I cry all the time. As an individual, my definition of emotional has changed a countless number of times, especially over the past 5 years living in London. I went through a pretty tumultuous time at university, and during the 3 years I guess you could say my overriding emotion was delicate, but also incredibly uplifted. This was the most exciting time of my life and I was throwing myself into everything head first. I didn’t sleep a lot, but all I had to worry about was showing up, working hard, and having a good time. That’s supposedly what university was for…right…?

After I graduated, my emotions definitely took a turn for the worst. I got a full time job starting more or less immediately after I graduated and from there my priorities began to change. I had no idea what I was doing and became quite introverted. Suddenly, rather than having loads of free time for my friends and for myself, I had a much smaller time frame into which I felt I had to cram everything I was doing before. I guess due to lack of experience, I neglected my friends to prioritise myself. I made some selfish decisions and it resulted in losing a friend. I think it was during this time that I became a very anxious person. I’ve always been perhaps overly conscious of how my actions effect others, but this time it really effected me. The worst part was I couldn’t understand at the time, what I’d done wrong. I was making time for myself and doing things that made me happy but also forgot to make time for those in my life that made me equally as happy. From there, I’d completely shut off and avoided confrontation. I think my way of dealing with situations became unhealthy where I’d just wait for things to sort themselves out.

After this bout of anxiety I was overcome with a weird sense of self acceptance. It took a lot of courage but I’d addressed issues and felt I’d come to terms with the darker phase. From there, I began to live pretty stress free (as stress free as adult life allows). Work life was fantastic. I was surrounded by strong female characters who did nothing but support every life decision I made. Or told me if they thought it was bloody awful (rarely). I was writing music, and performing and had honestly felt as though I was on cloud 9, and as if it couldn’t get any better, I met the most amazing man in the entire world.

Now, being in a relationship you have even more prioritising to do. It’s stressful. Going from a fairly airy fairy lifestyle where all I had to worry about was making sure I looked both ways when crossing the road and remembering to cook food etc, I now have another person to think about (It sounds like this is a burden but it’s absolutely not!). It really is quite stressful sometimes but also the most euphoric feeling. One of many things I’ve learnt from my boyfriend, who’s definitely had his fair share of life experiences (far more than myself), is. don’t just wait for things to sort themselves out… and that you don’t have to get along with everyone. As a people pleaser this upset me. I strive to make people like me… But what I’ve come to realise is that there were quite a few people in my life who were quite toxic and didn’t necessarily have a positive effect on my life/mental health. I think that’s what I’m getting at here. This phase of my life has made me pretty ruthless. But in the best way. I now not only need to make time for myself, but for my relationship and for my friends. Putting myself first is not something that I’ve found easy, but as time goes on and I have less time in the day to do things that make me happy, it’s become something I’ve had to learn. Ridding people from your life that effect your emotional state in a negative way, or make you feel like the issue for feeling a certain way is not all bad. I’ve learnt to surround myself with people who encourage me to say how I feel rather than constantly sweeping it under the rug.

Nothing in life prepares you for dealing with the highs and lows of your emotions. Some moments your ecstatic and the next you just wish you could stay in bed all day where nothing can get you. I was made to feel a certain way a lot of the time, and was told that I was being too “emotional” about situations. What I’m really trying to get at - above prioritising and the positivity - is that no one can ever be the judge of how you feel. Surrounding yourself with people who will listen regardless of what you're feeling is something you should never feel guilty about.

This spectrum of emotions is something to be proud of. The fact that I don’t know what I’m going to get when I wake up in the morning infuriates me but also excites me. Emotions are part of this life we’re all living and it’s important to embrace them rather than shut them away.