Could you tell me a time when you stopped relying on prescription drugs?

I've lived half my life on medication of some sort, and my entire adult life in a fog of anti-anxiety pills. I've tried to come off them before, but every time the floodgates opened I couldn't cope with the torrent of suppressed emotions. I quickly hopped back on the meds and shut everything away, fully aware that it would continue to build up. These feelings would leak out in dribs and drabs, but I soon conditioned my brain to resist them. This resistance would manifest in uncharacteristic attitudes and behaviours, some incredibly dark and life-threatening.

I developed a loud, confident persona to cover all this and - even though I hated "her" - she seemed to function relatively well in public life. So I accepted that she was the best I could hope for and plodded on. Then a year ago, a tragedy rocked our family and exposed the terrifying power that the drugs and my coping mechanisms held over me. I saw them working harder than ever to prevent me from feeling grief and I couldn't do anything to fight back. I cried, but I wasn't sad. Anger and devastation plagued my thoughts, but I couldn't feel either. Instead, I felt calm and muffled. And yet, for the first time, I didn't want to feel muffled. I can't express how strange it was to want to feel sad, but I knew it was what I wanted and needed: a breakthrough.

While I had convinced my rational brain that I needed to engage with my feelings, I also realised that my emotional brain wasn't quite there yet. So I made the decision to once more attempt what I had failed several times previously - to come off the anxiety meds. My dosage was gradually lowered like before, but this time when the floodgates opened, I stopped fighting and welcomed the torrent. And it was horrible... They were gut-wrenching, agonising feelings, but there were accompanied by a huge sensation of release. I felt light and aware. I physically, emotionally and mentally felt like a new person, but really, I had resurrected the real me.

I have come to accept that suppressing unpleasant feelings - whether on my own or with pills - will not make me happy or healthy. By embracing feelings like pain, fear and anger as an inevitable part of my existence - no intrinsically better or worse than the pleasant feelings - I can work towards having a better-quality and more genuine experience of life. The drugs served a purpose at one time, but getting off them was the first step on my journey to real happiness.