Could you tell me a time you felt the red mist?

During my last semester in America as a student athlete I had a particularly tough time. Some reasons which made it particularly tough included the weather being constantly below freezing. Another was being so far away from my friends and family. However, the main reason was the pressure of “being in season” and having a lot of tennis matches week after week. Although I love the game and always will, it can get extremely competitive, almost to the point where it completely takes away the love I have for the game. Despite the competitiveness within the sport, unfortunately there still aren’t referees available across all of the courts. Personally I have always struggled mentally both on and off the court, as sometimes the red mist can completely blind me and prohibit rational thinking. The worst part is when I am experiencing the “red mist” and I don’t even know about it until later that evening, when I have time to reflect. This constantly causes me guilt over some of my actions. One match in particular I was not proud of this season, was one of my biggest matches and a win was needed. It was fair to say that this match was particularity heated as the opposing player was accusing me of cheating. However, I was not. The match was starting to get so out of hand that we were essentially just taunting each other and by the end of the match, and I am not proud of this, I was disqualified. If you are familiar with tennis, I hit a shot that was a meter within the court which was called out by my opponent. To compare this to football for example, that would be like overruling a goal that has gone a meter over the goal line and it being deliberately falsely disallowed.

After this call it was fair to say I completely lost it and later regret throwing the match away. For someone that has not experienced this, it is so hard to explain how angry and cheated I felt in the moment.

Looking back at some of the matches I played this semester, I am trying to use these challenging experiences to better myself. The more aware I am of what is going on around me, the more control I have of my actions and my mind. When the red mist takes over I act on impulse and make decisions that I later regret. During my last semester in America I felt like a victim of what I considered to be a constant series of unfortunate events. In my mind it got to the point that I started to believe in predeterminism and that I had no control over my future and the events around me.

However, since arriving home I have managed to change this unhealthy thinking and started to think more positively. I now believe that off course you can influence your future, if you put your mind to it. Certainly I have still experienced some forms of red mist, but I am becoming a lot more self aware of when I am in these moments. I still have a long way to go to work on myself, but am now happier and have a positive crowd of people surrounding me who want the best for me.